Do you get bored on long car trips? Do you easily tire of 'I-Spy' and 'The Numberplate Game'? We do. That's why - after months of intense research and design* - we've developed 'BOFahoy'!
*Possibly not exactly the truth.
The rules of the game are simple. When you're on the road - be it your regular commute to work, a skip to the shops or an epic road trip to the arse-end of nowhere, keep your eyes peeled for BOFmobiles heading towards you. If it's safe to do so, give the approaching BOFmobile a friendly flash of your headlights and wave at them. The object of the game is to get them to wave back. If you're successful, shout "BOFahoy!" and adopt a smug look until the next one comes along.
Most BOFs drive with one hand on the steering wheel and the other poised thoughtfully on his chin, scratching his nethers or eating a bacon sandwich. That's why this game can be a bit tricky. Getting a BOF to wave at you if you're not driving a BOFmobile is a bit like getting champagne out of a sprout.
Of course, no game is complete without a scoring system! It's pretty straight-forward - allow me to illustrate:
CATEGORY 1 - THE FREELANDER:
Not really menacing enough to warrant more than a point, both the Freelander and the Freelander 2 are baby BOFmobiles. Usually seen parked across two spaces in the middle of a town; or parked opposite an ice cream parlour in Tywyn with a toy pig on the dashboard.
WAVE WIN = 1 POINT
CATEGORY 2 - THE OLD BOFMOBILE:
Gnarly old crates that are owned by wannabe BOFs. Usually missing several bits of trim from the doors; they're normally found at the head of long lines of traffic - holding everyone up as they tow rickety horse boxes through the countryside.
WAVE WIN = 5 POINTS
WAVE WIN = 5 POINTS
CATEGORY 3 - THE COMMON BOFMOBILE:
Low on chrome, high on obnoxiousness. These can be found parked on double yellows with their hazard lights on (BOFs know hazard lights as 'Park Anywhere' lights) and are often spotted riding the bumpers of old ladies in Metros. Also found repeatedly driving around town looking for the nearest Harrods, Waitrose or Selfridges.
WAVE WIN = 10 POINTS
CATEGORY 4 - THE FOBOFMOBILE:
Chrome. Tinted windows. So much bling that you can see them from Uranus. Think 'Common BOFmobile' but with added arrogance. FOBOFmobiles are often found where nobody should be; like driving along private beaches with their speedboats in tow. Also frequently seen parked in golf clubs or outside extortionately expensive harbour pubs. Like salmon in reverse, they head downstream to Pembrokeshire to breed.
WAVE WIN = 20 POINTS
CATEGORY 5 - THE EVOQUE:
*Twitches. Breaks out in a rash and vomits.*
WAVE WIN = 50 POINTS
(Extra 100 points if it's a snot green colour)
So there you have it! A game for all ages; but it requires patience and nerves of steel. Go on, have a go! We've been playing for months now and are nursing a measly 20% success rate. Can you do better? Let us know...
(Remember, don't be disheartened if you don't get a wave. Just bask in the knowledge that the non-waving BOF will be wondering who the hell you were for the rest of the day.)
We've added two new point-scoring vehicles to the mix to spice things up a bit:
1: THE MANSEL DAVIES LORRY
Often spotted harassing innocents as they trundle along the backbone of Wales, these big buggers can really boost your score. Based in Pembrokeshire (spiritual home of the BOF), these egregious
wtankers are frequently seen forcing cyclists into puddles and putting the fear of god into drivers at roundabouts. We're not entirely sure what they carry...but having given it careful thought, we've decided it's probably bacon purée.
WAVE WIN = 200 POINTS
2: THE POSER PORSCHE
(This obviously excludes the Cayenne; because it's ugly and smells of wee.)
Picture the scene: It's raining, so the BOF really doesn't want to take his BOFmobile out, does he? Hell no! The rain water might dull the chrome! So he turns to his standby car - the Porsche. Just a little run-around for rainy days and weekends, you understand. Also ideal for trips to the stables because, let's face it, who wants to get horse shit on £400 Range Rover tyres? Exactly. Said Porsche probably has a private registration and hay on the passenger seat.
WAVE WIN = A HUGE, ENORMOUS, GARGANTUAN 500 POINTS