Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Wynford Vaughan-Thomas on: Modern Music

En Dee Three Player

I love my viewpoint.  It's quiet.  All you can hear is the wind creeping over the hills and the occasional bleat of a sheep.  However, it can get a little monotonous.  Especially when you find yourself naming the key in which the nearby sheep are farting.  As ever, Coyote and Roadrunner came to my rescue...and they brought me one of those new-fangled 'En Dee Three' players.  Well.  I was astounded.

They explained to me that I could hear music by putting two little earplugs in and pressing the play button.  I was very dubious indeed.  Where did the stylus go?  How on earth was one supposed to fit one's Rachmaninov LP in such a small gadget?  I had so many questions.

Thankfully, they explained to me that I didn't need to crank it in any way.  I put the funny little earplugs in and was shocked to hear what sounded like a small animal in great pain.  Of course, I was deeply concerned!  Coyote quickly allayed my fears by telling me it was 'James Blunt'.  Now, I must confess that the fellow's voice wasn't to my liking...but I don't think there was any need to call him that.  

They introduced me to some remarkably shocking sounds.  'Wrapping' confused me.  It would seem that nowadays youngsters like to listen to people talking over a piece of music that repeats itself incessantly.  It's akin to listening to a news script being read by someone on pep pills while another person hits a dustbin with a broom handle.  As for 'screamo'...well.  That sounded like my wife when I told her that I'd accidentally put the cat in the washing machine with my smalls.  It was an honest mistake; but my word she really wasn't happy.  The fur rendered my y-fronts completely unwearable; and I'd only had them for three years.  I suppose we must all face these tragedies at some point in our lives.

No.  I wasn't at all impressed by modern-day music.  After another two or three songs my head was pounding and I had to go for a lie-down in a darkened room with a bottle of brandy and a straw.  Give me a good brass band EP any day.  You just can't beat a satisfying, resounding trumpet.

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