Tuesday, 24 April 2012

An Audience With: Coyote and Roadrunner

In a moment of sheer madness, we asked you, our dear and slightly bonkers readers, for any questions you'd like to ask us.  Quite why we decided this was a good idea is beyond us.  Blame it on the Smints.

You tweeted us, you emailed us, you Sellotaped your questions to pigeons and launched them at us using trebuchets made of lollipop sticks and chewing gum (ok; you didn't...but it's a fun image nonetheless) and we were graced with 15 of your finest queries.

The original plan was to carefully ponder over your questions in coming days - with the aid of Auntie Stella and Uncle Penderyn.  However, we realised that this probably wasn't a wise idea.  Last time we tried to do something creative with those two around, the chandeliers and banisters took a proper battering...

So, without further ado, we shall now endeavour to entertain and enlighten you through the medium of answers!

1. Lambs are cute, sheep are ugly.  When exactly does this change happen?  There is no halfway stage.  Has bothered me for years. - From @A470Training in Trawsfynydd

Roadrunner:  Isn’t there a nuclear power plant in Trawsfynydd?
Coyote:  There is...
R:  So; they have nuclear sheep there?
C:  Makes them easier to find in the dark.
R:  I don’t think sheep are ugly.
C:  I do.  They look like short, fat llamas.
R:  Llamas aren’t ugly either.
C:  They are!  Alex Jones looks like a llama.
R:  I thought she looked more like a horse...
C:  Horses aren’t ugly.
R**Gallops around the room, whinnying**
C:  Time for your medication, dear.

2. What are you scared of? - From Matt in Berlin

Coyote:  Broken coffee machines.
Roadrunner:  Huw Edwards.

3. What effect has Twitter had on your lives; both professionally and personally? - From @Stewpot in Bedfordshire

Roadrunner**Walks to bookshelf...**
Coyote:  Where are you going?
R:  To get the dictionary.
C:  Why...?
R**Thumbs through pages**  Pro-fess-io-na...
C:  Twitter is responsible for us two meeting each other.  If it wasn’t for that little blue bird – and a helping hand from Blaenplwyf transmitter – none of this would ever have happened.
R:  It’s certainly helped me flog a few photographs here and there.
C:  You sell photographs?
R:  Sometimes...
C:  I thought you were an astronaut.
R: Only on Sundays.

4. Why did the chicken cross the road? - From Anon in Anonland

Coyote:  Because the light turned green.
Roadrunner:   And because the moon was conjunct with the chicken’s natal Mars in its fourth house.

5. Out of all the places you've been to so far; what's your favourite and why? - From Sammy in Galway

Coyote:  Actually, Loop Head in Galway is a strong contender...
Roadrunner:  ...only equalled by Strumble Head in Pembrokeshire.
C:  They’re both quite magical places; off the beaten path.  Mind you, I quite liked Vivod as well.
R:  And the Elan Valley.
C:  Not so keen on Monkton, though.
R:  No.  It smells.

6. Why did you call it 'Coyote and Roadrunner'? - From @IestynSJ in Wales

Coyote:  You might get a sensible answer here...!
Roadrunner:  ‘Roadrunner’ was already my nickname – thanks to an unexpected event involving a guard dog.
C:  And I’m a genius.  Wile E. Coyote’s a genius; so it seemed to fit.
R:  Is that why you think you’re called Coyote?
C:  It’s right, isn’t it?
R:  Yes.  Yes...of course it is.
C:  What?
R:  Ooh, is that the doorbell?!  **Leaves the room...**
C: We haven’t got a doorbell.

7. What do you both do for a living? - From Oscar in Florence

Roadrunner:  He brings misery to people on the radio.
Coyote: She runs around shooting things.

8. Which of you is best at hide n' seek?  And what's your favourite verse of 'Old McDonald Had a Farm'?  - From @louanndavies in Taffs Well

Roadrunner:  Have we ever played hide n’ seek?
Coyote:  I don’t think we have, no.
**Twelve hours later...**
C:  I think only one of us was supposed to hide.
R:  You live and learn.
C:  Old McDonald, then?
R:  I like the bit about giraffes.
C:  There isn’t a verse about giraffes...
R:  Isn’t there?
C:  No, mun!  GERBILS!
R:  What kind of noise does a gerbil make?
C:  ‘Nee naw nee naw nee naw!’
R:  That’s the Irish Garda, you twerp.
C:  Same thing.
R:  She asked two questions...is that allowed?
C:  No, actually, it isn’t.  I’m going to have words with her.
R:  I think she’s playing hide n’ seek.
C: She’ll emerge when she’s hungry.

9. Where in the world would you most like to go? - From LH in Russia

Coyote:  I’d like to find out where Roger Whittaker lives.  I’d go to his house and ring the doorbell.  When he answers, I’ll ruffle his beard and scarper.
Roadrunner:  I want to go to bed.
C:  Oh really?!
R:  To sleep.
C:  Damn.

10. Do you have a favourite joke? - From Kate in York

Coyote:  Yes!
Roadrunner: Me too!

11. Can I buy a hat soon? - From @ceggsxx in Cardiff

Roadrunner:  You can buy a hat whenever you like.
Coyote:  It wasn’t that easy between 1732 and 1867.
R:  No?
C:   No.  The Hat Act placed limits on the manufacture, sale, and exportation of American-made hats.  The act also restricted hiring practices by limiting the number of workers that milliners could employ, and placing limits on apprenticeships by only allowing two apprentices.  The law's effect was that Americans in the colonies were forced to buy British-made goods, and this artificial trade restraint meant that Americans paid four times as much for hats and cloth imported from Britain than for local goods.
R: Oh.

12. Am I really here? Who are you?  Who am I?  Where are we?  Fancy doing something naughty?  Are you sure you're not Trevor? - From @Cymru_Rydd in Cymru

Roadrunner:  Yes.  Me.  You.  There.  Only if it involves Angel Delight.  Trevor Eve looks like a ferret.
Coyote: I like cheese.

13. Have you ever been hopelessly lost on your travels? - From Bice in Capri

Coyote:  There’s no such thing as ‘hopelessly lost’.  All roads lead to home!
Roadrunner:  That was a sensible answer.
C:   It was, wasn’t it?
R: Bravo, Bice!

14. If someone gave you a BOFmobile, what would you do with it? - From Paul in Leominster

Roadrunner**Rubs hands together and cackles maniacally**
Coyote:  We can’t tell you exactly what we’d do...but there would be a very big explosion and the sky would rain fragments of tinted windows for weeks.
R:  BOFmobile goes BOOM!
Coyote:  Calm down...
R:  BOOM!  BOOM!  Make it go BOOM!
C: Have your meds worn off already...?

15. Are you in talks with ACME about sponsorship? - From @IHphoto in S. Wales

Coyote:  I haven’t got spots.
Roadrunner:  AcMe, Coyote...
C:  How do I do that?
R:  What?
C:  Ack you?
R:  What?
C:  What?
R:  Yes.
C:  Probably.
R:  I want a pizza.
C:  Sprouts are green.

Huge thanks for all your questions!  It's been great fun.  If we pass by your neck of the woods, we'll bring you a half-eaten Pepperami and a can of Tizer x

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