Thursday, 9 February 2012

Coyote and Roadrunner: Mission Objectives

To have mission objectives, one needs to plan.  Planning takes time and effort.  Planning requires deep thought, logical reasoning and balanced forethought.

This sounds like hard work to us, so we don't do that.  In fact, we don't even say the word 'plan'.  We say 'nalp' because, let's face it, most of what we do is arse-about-tit...and that's just the way we like it!  To date, we've visited 383 places in Wales and don't show any signs of stopping. 

Although we don't have a mission objective per se, we do have a list of things wot we want to do.  We'd like to share this list with you all; just so you know what we aim to get out of our terrorisation exploration of Wales:

  • Have a coffee and a wee in every McDonalds in Wales
  • Blow up a BOFmobile with a land mine
  • Eat our own body weights in Smints
  • Revisit the one-legged man in Holyhead
  • Find the Fishguard Nearly Dead Society HQ
  • Cross the water and scare the Irish
  • Buy Sybil the Slate a hearing aid
  • Tame Samuel the Slate's language
  • Spike a BOFs bacon bap with sprouts
  • Drive calmly out of Pembrokeshire
  • Annihilate an Autocue with a baseball bat
  • Find out what people keep in Elliott storage containers
  • Find a dog poo bag that smells of boot polish
  • Replace all Rachmaninov CDs with Scissor Sisters albums
  • Remove the second 'L' from every Welshpool sign
  • Buy an MGB and roll it off a cliff
  • Bulldoze a small red brick building in the middle of a roundabout
  • Get Petula over her Posh People's Tourette's.  CHANDELIER!
  • Set fire to every script in a well-known media building
  • Find the Holy Grail of take out coffee
  • Go to Fuc...Mcflurr...Motherfu...Muckle Flugga lighthouse
  • Draw smiley faces on all Anglesey traffic cameras
  • Replace all blue paint in West Wales with orange Hammerite
And that concludes our mission objectives for 2012.  If you have any pointers to help us achieve any of these objectives, please don't hesitate to get in touch.  We don't bite...unless you ask very nicely.  We really, really want to find dog poo bags that smell of boot polish and would be eternally grateful if you could tell us where to procure a land mine and some dynamite. 

Thank you!

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